Countdown
by ColoursNeverSeen
Summary: H/R wish-fulfillment fic. Ten short chapters going from ten to one, and most likely from angsty to fluffy. I do not own Spooks. *SPOILERS for Series 9.*
1. Ten days

**Title**: Countdown

**Pairing**: Harry/Ruth

**Genre**: Mostly romance, some chapters being lighter than others.

**Rating**: PG

**Spoilers** for Series 9

**Chapter word count**: 582

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Spooks.

A/N: Well, I said I'd write more Ros/Lucas, and actually I have a fic on the way, but this idea came to me the other day, and I thought I'd play a bit with Harry and Ruth. :-)

This is my first time writing them, so don't be too hard on me.

I also wanted to thank everyone who reviewed and/or favourited my last story.

This is a "Harry and Ruth countdown", going from ten to one, with a short chapter for each number.

The whole fic should be completed by the end of the week.

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><p><strong>Ten days. <strong>

That's how long she waited after Lucas's death before she could bring herself to face Harry again.

Ten days of working, completely focused on her files and desperately trying not to think about anything else, _anything else _being Harry Pearce. Ten days of avoiding her colleagues, not talking to them unless it was necessary, and almost running away from every conversation which subject was Harry, or the inquiry. He had been gone for a few days now, and the Grid was no longer the same without the feeling that he'd be looking at her while sitting at his desk, or leaning over her shoulder to look at whatever was on her computer screen. She couldn't deny that she missed him. But she wouldn't go to him. She hadn't even asked where he was, and the others had the decency of keeping their conversations for when she was not around, though wondering why she suddenly seemed to want everything about Harry to be erased from her life.

She didn't know if she would ever be able to look him in the eyes after their last conversation. _'It was unfair of you to love me'_, she told him. But what was fair in their world? And, to add to that, she couldn't make up her mind about what the right thing to do was; about what she wanted, what she _really_ wanted, not what she thought she wanted, or what she thought she should want.

Did she love Harry? Did she think she loved Harry? Did she think she shouldn't love Harry? Why? The answer to that question was simple: because of George. Because she didn't think it was humanly possible to be in love with the very man who was responsible for the death of the one she used to live with, _a man who did not deserve to die_. She shouldn't want to be with Harry. And yet she did, as she always had. She knew she would always feel guilty if she accepted Harry's marriage proposal, and hence she said 'no'. And felt guilty since that day, because Harry didn't deserve to be unhappy either. It wasn't his fault, not really, and she knew it. He didn't deserve this, any of this.

And what about _her_? What did she deserve? Did she deserve happiness, when George was dead because of her lies? In the end, she was stuck, wasn't she? Whatever she would choose, she wouldn't be happy, and neither would the people around her; the people she cared for. The people she... loved. The _one_ man she loved, really. The only man she ever loved and ever would love.

And this was how, after nine sleepless nights, countless cups of tea (she tried to reduce her wine consumption), many disapproving looks from Beth and two phone calls from Malcolm (who seemed to know a lot more about this whole story than he should), that Ruth Evershed remembered Lucas's words: _'Be brave. Be selfish for once. You're like me, you've done enough. Say yes.' _ And she decided to finally listen to the words of the man who could never stand in front of her and say them again. Sitting on her bed, Ruth sighed. They hadn't exactly been _friends, _but perhaps they could have been, if they'd had more time.

_Be brave. _Was happiness something you had to be brave to get? Maybe. And Harry had already been brave enough when it came to that matter. Now, it was definitely _her turn._

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><p>Reviews make my day, so please leave one, even if you write two words! :-)<p>

More soon. x


	2. Nine times

**Disclaimer: I do not own Spooks.**

**Chapter word count: 618**

**A/N: Thank you all so much for your reviews! Some of you have taken the "two words" thing quite seriously. :-) **

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><p><strong>Nine.<strong>

That's how many times she rang his doorbell.

She finally brought herself to talk to Dimitri, and he told her Harry didn't go anywhere during the inquiry. He was at home, waiting. Ruth could tell from her colleague's tone that he seemed to urge her to do _something_. He sounded relieved she asked, as if she were the only one who could somehow fix the situation. That's when she realised just how lost the other officers were since Harry was gone.

Her heart was beating fast as she was walking towards Harry's house. God, what was she doing, showing up like that? She thought it would be better not to ring him before. She needed to actually _see_ him.

She rang the doorbell and took a few steps back.

She knew he was there, the television was on, and she heard the sound of his voice, probably on the phone, when she arrived. The walls were thin, and the window was open. But he didn't answer the door. Perhaps he thought she was someone else. She rang again, pressing the button a little bit longer each time to make sure he heard.

'He must have heard by now', she thought. Maybe she should call him. She opened her handbag and searched for her phone, but then remembered she left it on her living room table. _'Shit'_, she whispered.

She heard footsteps inside the house, coming closer to the door. He was right behind it, she was sure of it. Only a few inches away from her; she could almost feel him. She stepped closer to the door; put both her hands on it, secretly hoping she could turn into a ghost and cross it just by pressing herself against it. 'Harry', she whispered. She thought she heard something again, but no answer came. 'Harry', she called, louder this time, feeling the tears she had been holding back for days suddenly threatening to come out.

Ten minutes passed, and there she was, her forehead against his door. Ten minutes; and yet it felt like so much more. It always did when you were waiting for a miracle you knew wouldn't happen. A tear or two found their way down her cheeks. She didn't even bother to brush them away. He couldn't even see them, so what did it matter?

Finally, she took a deep breath and stepped away. _There is no point_, she thought. She turned around and started walking, forcing herself not to look back.

Ruth only stopped walking when she found a bench in a small garden, a few streets away from Harry's house. Her legs were shaking and she needed to sit down. She took deep breaths, sending the tears back to where they came from.

What was she thinking? This was useless, hopeless. _They_ were hopeless, acting like young people who didn't want to make choices and old people not daring to hope anymore at the same time.

She hadn't wanted to forgive him and finally build something with him when he had given her the chance to, and now it was too late. _He_ didn't want her anymore. He had moved on. If she was honest with herself, she had to admit she didn't think he would. At least, not this fast. She didn't take him for granted but she felt that he would always be there somewhere, waiting for her.

If he had opened the door to shout at her and send her away, she might have not felt so crushed. But _this… _He didn't even want to see her face again.

'_I was wrong'_, she thought.' _Now it's time to move on'._

'Time to move on Ruth', she whispered to herself.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading. Please leave me a review. :-)<strong>

**Next chapter should be longer and we will have a bit of Harry's POV.**


	3. Eight messages

**I still don't own Spooks.**

**Chapter word count: 1586 (A lot longer than it was meant to be, but it couldn't be shorter)**

**A/N: Thank you so much for the lovely reviews. You guys make my day! I hope you will enjoy this chapter. xx**

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><p><strong>Eight.<strong>

If Ruth had turned around and looked back while she was walking away from Harry's house, she would have seen the door slowly open to reveal Harry's figure, cursing himself for what he had just done, but not daring to run after her.

Ruth decided not to go home straightaway. Instead she took a walk, a walk that was meant to be short but lasted a few hours. She wanted some time alone to think, or maybe stop thinking. At some point she had to stop and let the tears come out, and she didn't want Beth to know she had been crying, so she chose a café on the way and stayed there for a while, drinking one cup of tea after the other until she felt better.

The crying had left her mind like blank. She couldn't think properly, but now that the shock had passed, she felt the pain inside of her become more and more powerful, crushing her heart with both hands.

She couldn't say it wasn't her fault this time, because it was; and she hated herself for that. With all her principles, she had definitely ruined her own life. She couldn't be happy without Harry. _So why did she wait for so long to find that out? _

She wasn't the same Ruth as she was when she met Harry. She had become stronger, but she was so cold now. Running away from her emotions in order to prevent herself from getting hurt turned her into another woman. _A woman who pushes the man she loves away. _If she hadn't left, the Ruth she used to be would probably have forgotten her fears at some point, and maybe she and Harry would be… But it was another useless '_maybe_'. She was not the same anymore, and now she had to live with it. She never thought she would become like this. And maybe Harry didn't either. _'Maybe that's why he doesn't want me anymore', _she thought_. He's realised I've changed and he found out he couldn't love who I am now._' It always went back to this. Cyprus, George, her other life; maybe they just couldn't _be_ after all that.

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><p>Eight is the number of messages Harry left on Ruth's phone. He was getting more and more worried, as she wasn't answering any of them. '<em>Bloody hell, Pearce<em>', he kept thinking as he was fighting the urge to pour himself another glass of whiskey (he'd lost count of how many he'd had until then), '_How, how could you be such an idiot?_'

He couldn't figure out exactly what it was that stopped him from opening the door. He'd soon realised it was Ruth, but why did he feel so petrified he stayed right behind this door, all the while knowing it was the only thing that separated him from Ruth, Ruth that was just there, calling for him?

And nothing in her voice suggested that she had come to blame him for...whatever it was that she might have wanted to blame him for.

'_Oh, Ruth_', he said lowly. He sad down on his couch, took his head in his hands, pretty much in the same way she did in the garden a few hours before, though neither of them would ever know that.

Why? Why was it that every time one of them tried to cross the gap between them, the other managed to ruin it? '_We couldn't be more together than we are now_.' she told him once. Well, the way he saw it, they couldn't be _less_ together. If only there could be a day, just one day, when they could manage to want the same thing at the same time. Oh, just one moment would be enough. But it didn't seem likely to happen now. 'Bloody idiot', he said to himself.

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><p>Ruth had changed, that was right. It was a simple acknowledged fact. But it didn't mean she had to accept it and do nothing, she thought as she was looking through the window near her table. The woman she was now may be different, but it also meant she was more determined. She was a fighter, so why would she forbid herself to fight for the man she loved? She couldn't let this go. She had to win him back, and the only way she could do it was by proving him she wanted him as much as he had wanted her once. If there was a chance, she had to take it. '<em>Tomorrow I'll go back there, and this time I'll stay until he listens to me<em>.' Comforted by her newly found determination, she paid the waiter and walked towards the closest bus stop.

But what Ruth didn't know was that Harry had decided_ he_ couldn't wait until the next day. When she got home, Beth was still out, and nothing had changed in the flat. Her cell phone was still where she left it, on the small table near the bookshelves. She hoped nothing important had happened at work and nobody had tried to phone her while she was out. She grabbed her phone and unlocked it. Quickly, a message appeared on the screen. _Eight messages._ Oh, Christ, no, she thought. Suddenly afraid of whatever might have happened, she pressed the button which allowed her to listen to the messages. But instead of Dimitri's voice, or Tariq's, the sound of another well-known voice came to her ears.

'_Ruth_', Harry started, _'it's, erm, it's me, Harry'. Oh God, Ruth, I don't know where to start. I'm sure you don't even want to hear what I have to say, it's just… I'm unforgivable. I don't know what took me, I, I got scared I guess. I didn't know why you were here and for a moment I thought you had come to blame me for everything that's happened.'_

From his tone, Ruth could tell that there was something more in that '_everything_' than just the Albany case. He sounded like he felt guilty. Her hands started shaking and she felt like she was about to drop the phone, so she turned on the loudspeaker mode and put it on the table, while she was slowly sitting on the couch, drinking Harry's words.

'_I thought it was the only reason you would ever come to see me, and then, when it appeared I was wrong, you had been here for a while and I thought that if I opened that door I wouldn't know what to say to you. And then you left, and I thought 'This is it', I've ruined my last chance. And you have to know that I would never, ever blame you if you chose not to answer this. But please, Ruth, tell me this wasn't my last chance.'_

The last sentence was a whisper, and Ruth felt her resolution not to cry again weaken. _'Oh God, Harry'_, she said in a very low voice. But it wasn't over yet, as the mechanic voice from her phone announced there was a second message, that was left only two minutes after the end of the first one.

'_Ruth, it's me again. I just wanted to say… No, I can't say this over the phone, please call me back._'

And another one followed right after the second message.

'_Ahem. Unless… Ruth, it's still Harry. I, er, well if you came to my house to talk about work… It just occurred to me, I didn't think, at first… Well if this was just about work, call me back anyway. And forget what I said before_.'

This time Ruth chuckled. How could he possibly think it was just about work? They had never been '_just about work_'. The fourth message was left by an apparently convinced it couldn't be just about work Harry, and was pretty much in the style of the first one. Once again, Ruth had to fight the urge to call him back right away. The next three were a lot shorter. Harry was getting worried by the fact that she hadn't called him back yet and obviously feared something might have happened to her on her way home. She thought the very last one would be similar, but Harry's voice came out the speaker much calmer than it had been before, but filled with sadness.

'_Ruth._ _I was stupid; I made a fool of myself. What must you think of me now? Of course the reason you're not answering is not that you're in danger. You're not answering because you don't want to have anything to do with me anymore. And it's fine, Ruth, I understand. I went too far. But there is still something I want you to know. I can't say the words over the phone, but… Do you remember when we said goodbye all those years ago? Well, that 'something', that 'something wonderful' you didn't want me to say. It's real Ruth. It's real and I want you to know it. It has never stopped being real, and it is more real now than it has ever been before.' _There was a pause. '_And I will always feel this way. Goodbye, Ruth'_, he finally whispered as the message ended.

When Beth came home only a few minutes after Ruth listened to that last sentence, she found her flat mate sitting still on the sofa, with tears rolling down her cheeks. But this time, Ruth didn't try to hide it. She really couldn't care less. Maybe her life wasn't over after all.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading! :)<strong>

**Reviews are love. x**


	4. Seven bus stops

**A/N: Ok, I said hiatus on my profile, but I came up with this so I'm posting it. I'm afraid this is a filler chapter and there is nothing very interesting in it. I needed it to start the transition between the angst from the previous chapter and the happier days to come for our two lovebirds (they are unnerving, but we love them, don't we?). **

**It may look as if there are huge narrative holes in this chapter, but the next one will be more of Harry's POV and I didn't want to tell everything from Ruth's side for that reason.**

**MyladyLilith, hopefully this chapter isn't too angsty (I don't think it is at all), and I promise the fluff will come in the next chapter. :)**

****Thank you all for the amazing reviews you left me for the last chapter. xx**  
><strong>

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><p>As soon as she calmed down, Ruth grabbed her phone immediately and called Harry back. Hopefully he would pick up, even after eight unanswered messages. She hoped so. Beth had been tactful enough not to ask Ruth what troubled her and just went to her bedroom without stopping. Ruth was grateful; if she had had to try and explain, it would have probably ended up with more tears.<p>

The phone kept ringing, and Ruth was wondering if she would have to leave him a message this time, when he finally picked up. The relief in his voice was genuine and she had to stop him from apologizing again. Their conversation was brief, Ruth didn't want it to last too long for she felt she'd betted not risk another emotional episode over the phone. She asked him if he wanted to meet the next day. He said yes immediately and they agreed to go to dinner. He wanted to pick her up but she didn't want to. She wanted them to truly meet. And she knew the right place for it.

She spent the next day wondering whether she had handled the phone conversation well. Had she sounded too cold, too proud, or too eager to meet him? The wait was killing her. To distract herself and stop thinking, she decided to take a look in her closet and decide what to wear. She had bought a new dress a few days before. She was afraid she was turning into one of these women who bought clothes to cure unhappiness. She used to buy books to do that. Lately she had been keen on dresses, though. Mid-life crisis? Oh, call it what you like, she thought.

She chose a deep-blue velvet dress, and matching heels. Simple, but elegant. She left her hair the way it usually was, she didn't want to look like she had spent too much time taking care of her looks. When she was ready to go, Beth wasn't home yet, so she sent her a text message explaining she was going out and didn't know when she'd come home. Beth responded to said text message in the following way: 'I'll _be fine. Have fun with the boss. Beth._'

Ruth sighed. She wasn't exactly expecting Beth to know what she was doing, but she wasn't surprised either. Maybe she should just give up on the idea of keeping her private life private.

A few passers-by turned around to look at her while she was walking between her flat and her usual bus stop, which made Ruth blush deeply. She wasn't used to men looking at her in that way. She didn't even want them to. Of course it was always flattering but she couldn't quite cope with men showing that they might desire her since George. Except for Harry. She was longing for this kind of looks from Harry. But it was always this way, wasn't it? Harry always was a big exception in her life. The feelings she felt for Harry she would never feel for anyone else. He was the only one who could make her be brave enough to fight for happiness.

Seven is the number of bus stops between Ruth's home and the place where she and Harry had arranged to meet. She could have taken the Tube to get there but she chose the bus instead. She had a book in case she wanted to keep herself busy during the journey, but as she was trying to read she realised she couldn't focus on the text, so she put it back in her handbag. There were only four or five people in the bus, it was all very quiet, and yet Ruth was far from being calm. She was sat next to a window, and the seat next to her was unoccupied, so she put the handbag on it.

She wanted to look outside, but the window wasn't clean enough, and she had to press her forehead against it, as she had done with Harry's door, to see through it. It seemed everything reminded her of Harry; her posture, the simple fact of being in a bus. She took a deep breath. 'No need to worry, she thought'. She knew this couldn't go wrong, or at least she really hoped it wouldn't, but she still felt nervous. She didn't want to ruin the evening. Most of all she wanted to make amends and leave the past behind them. It wasn't going to be easy, but surely they could make it.

As she was getting close to her stop, the light was slowly fading. It had been a beautiful day, and the sunset light gave a glow to the city that made it all the more beautiful to Ruth. Or maybe it was because for the first time in months she was actually noticing it.

She was so lost in her thoughts she nearly forgot to get up when the bus reached her stop. As she was getting out of the bus she felt the fresh evening air on her face. Fresh, but not cold. Just what she needed to keep a clear mind. She walked for ten more minutes before she arrived to the rendezvous' place. She'd chosen the place herself, for a particular reason. There weren't as many people as there were on the first time they were there, though. It had been earlier in the day, but somehow Ruth felt like she was living the moment all over again.

For a moment she felt out of place, with her dress and heels, surrounded by people who had gotten out of work late and were eager to go home. She couldn't see Harry. Her heart started beating faster. She was already a bit late, so where was he? He'd seem so happy the night before when she had called, so why wasn't he there? Ruth was starting to panic. She tried to calm down as she didn't want the people around her to notice her more than they already had due to her clothing. She was about to start walking again when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Surprised, she turned around quickly.

There he was, smiling at her.

'Hello, Ruth', he said.

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><p><strong>Like I said, Harry's POV next time. Please forgive me for the lousy plot and bad writing in this chapter, it is a weak one I know...<strong>

**Please leave me a review (it makes my day, especially after hours of studying). :)**

**xx**


	5. Six roses

**A/N: So, let's pick up from where we left off, shall we? I really feel like I've abandoned you, I'm so sorry! I want to thank the few of you who left me a review for the last chapter, and I'm sorry for the delay. Exams got in my way, and I had a week of writer's block after that. I hope you will like this chapter!**

**Please leave me a review, it keeps me writing, and I need to know if people still read and like this! Thank you! xx**

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><p>Six roses.<p>

_The day before._

She'd called back. He couldn't believe it. She'd called back and she didn't hate him. And she wanted to see him. He probably sat still on his couch for fifteen minutes after he hang up the phone. He sighed, and the sigh made him feel all shaky inside. Usually he'd have kicked himself for feeling so emotional, and would've said something like "You're too old to feel like this, Pearce." But if he was entirely honest with himself, he knew that Ruth, the sight of Ruth, the smell of Ruth, the thought of Ruth had always _moved_ him. And deep down he loved it, just as much as he loved her. Or maybe it was because he had always loved her, even when he didn't want to admit that he did, that she made him feel this way.

He was more than relieved to learn that his behaviour hadn't angered her too much. And that his messages didn't make her want to run away. Christ', he thought, 'eight messages. What were you thinking, Pearce?' Still, she didn't sound angry. That was a good thing, at least. But she sounded sad. And it was his fault. She could never know how guilty he felt. To make her happy again was all he wanted. He would do anything to achieve that. To put a real smile on her face again. His beautiful Ruth. He just hoped she would give him the chance to.

She'd chosen the place where they would meet; he had to choose the restaurant. It didn't take him too long; he still had in mind the name of a place he thought Ruth would like. He was confident they would have free tables for the next evening and indeed they did. So all he had to do was wait.

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><p>The next morning was a torture for Harry. He woke up very early but had almost nothing to do, and he didn't want to spend the entire day wandering around in the streets of London. Still, he had some shopping to do in the afternoon. The time of the rendezvous was approaching so he left his house, with a nice suit on, and got in his car. He was perfectly aware of the two spooks, probably sent there by the Home Office, or his superiors at Five, that were following him; but he didn't have anything to hide, so he decided not to try and lose them.<p>

He didn't want to meet her with nothing to give her, and he chose flowers. Besides, he had a feeling that Ruth would love flowers. But he must have looked a little lost, looking around for ten minutes in the little flower shop he picked on his way, for the young seller came to him and kindly asked him if he wanted some advice on what to buy. He had trouble answering her questions. To him, Ruth was a sophisticated lady, but that wasn't of any help when it came to guess what kind of flowers she would like. He didn't want to bring her cheap flowers, but he thought an over-the-top bouquet wouldn't suit her either. The young shop girl finally suggested roses. As she said, 'roses could be enjoyed by anyone in any occasion'. He just hoped Ruth didn't hate them, as some people did. The girl seemed to feel sorry for him, and was trying to be reassuring. He then wondered exactly how nervous he must look like.

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><p>And two hours later, it was time. He walked for a while before he got there. At first he had trouble understanding why she chose this particular place, but then he remembered. The Embankment. They had been there more than once but he had a feeling they were both thinking about this particular time, after the Professor's daughter had been killed. <em>'Sometimes you have to give a man a chance Ruth, to show you who he really is'<em>, he'd said. He could see in her eyes that she was hurt, angry, sad. And lost too. Oh, how they had been lost lately. He had hoped she would follow him that day, but she didn't. Something was always stopping one of them. Still, it didn't matter anymore. They had another chance, and this time he would make things right. He had to; otherwise he would never forgive himself.

He had been walking for ten minutes or so without realising how far he had gone. Lost in his thoughts, he only came back to reality when he saw her. Ruth. Standing there, surrounded by strangers, but he would not have mistaken her for anyone; never. He probably stopped breathing for a moment or two. How could she be so beautiful? But she was Ruth, she just was. _Heartbreakingly beautiful._ Now all he had to do was try and fix her broken heart.

She looked lost, looking around too. Looking for him. He didn't want to keep her waiting any longer so he started walking faster and faster towards her. He didn't stop until he was behind her. She had turned around and couldn't see him. As gently as he could, not wanting to scare her, he placed a hand on her shoulder. She turned around instantly, her beautiful eyes meeting his. He couldn't help but smile, a smile of relief, and what seemed to be a glimpse of happiness as well, a feeling he hadn't experienced in a very long time.

'Hello, Ruth', he said.

Harry gave Ruth six roses that evening. He actually had bought seven, but as he was walking faster than he should have in his eagerness to meet her, one of them fell. It was picked up by a little girl in a pink dress, walking next to her mother; a small surprise that brightened her own evening as she played with it on her way home. Harry and Ruth didn't need it, they were content as they were, heading for the restaurant he had chosen. But Ruth had no idea Harry had another gift carefully hidden in his pocket.

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed Harry's POV, I thought we needed to see his side of the story. Now, what is he planning to give Ruth? :)<strong>

**More soon, I'm on holidays now, I'll definitely have the time to write!**

**Fluff next time, I'm in the mood for that! xx**


	6. Five people

**A/N: To the few of you who still faithfully review this, thank you so much, you keep me going. So this one is for you. ;) **

**This is verry fluffy, for me, I mean, as I'm usually more comfortable with writing angst. I'm sorry for the delay, but I had no idea how to write this, and then tonight 1300 words suddenly came out. I love my muses sometimes. :) I am actually rather satisfied with it, so I hope you will all like it. Also, small Doctor Who and Bridget Jones references, I didn't realise it until I re-read it, and I decided to leave them. Let's see if you can find them. ;) xx**

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><p>There were five people in the restaurant where Harry and Ruth had dinner that evening. He expected it to be quiet, but even he was surprised by the emptiness of the place. Still, Ruth didn't seem to care, or even to notice that they were almost alone. Harry couldn't remember the last time he had seen her looking like this. Not beautiful, not elegant, not stunning, she was all those things every single day. But… happy? Was it happiness, cheerfulness? He couldn't tell, but she looked young again, as if the woman who had entered the meeting room with too much files in her arms all those years ago was beginning to come back. He only hoped she would stay.<p>

People turned around to look at her, and Ruth felt embarrassed. Why did people look at her like that since she left her flat? She knew her dress wasn't too much, so why? She was reassured by the smile on Harry's face, but she still had to ask. 'Because you look incredibly beautiful tonight, Ruth', he answered in a low voice, a teasing smile on his lips. She could have melted when she heard those words. Maybe she did. It wasn't the words, but the way he said them. Everything inside of her, whatever it was, was shaking, moving, mixing. She felt like laughing and crying at the same time.

Was it happening? Her and Harry, in a restaurant? Was it really happening? Two years before she was trying to forget him. Two days before she was convinced she had ruined everything and nothing would ever happen between them. And yet, there they were. It seemed so simple, it _felt_ so simple to be there. So why did it feel so complicated for so long?

Harry saw the shadow fell upon her, the look in her eyes changing. Sadness and doubts were still there, and it wouldn't be easy for her to let them go. He was experiencing the same thing, but he didn't know whether it would be best to try and talk to her or to let her deal with her own feelings. 'Ruth and feelings', he thought. 'Long story'. _Ruth, him, and feelings, really._

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><p>They ended up ordering their food and spent the evening talking over dinner. Then they realised it had been a very long time since they'd had a proper conversation about anything, and they both had missed it. He made her laugh and with the wine, she started talking more easily. Eventually they discussed literature, and Ruth lost Harry's attention at some point in the middle of her long speech about Ovid. Not that he wasn't interested in the subject. Not that he didn't want to listen. He just found himself so captivated by the sound of her voice he forgot to pay attention to what she was actually saying.<p>

'Harry', she said, half-laughing. 'I'm boring you, aren't I?'

'Absolutely not', he answered, pretending to be offended.

'Harry…' She sounded gentle and still amused, but the tone she used obviously meant she now wanted to talk, seriously.

'Ruth?'

'Harry, I…I… I'm sorry but I think some things need to be said.'

'Oh?' He was slightly worried now. 'What things?'

'Harry…' He could tell she was forcing herself to look him in the eyes. 'I'm sorry for what I put you through. For what I put us through.'

'Oh, Ruth… You have nothing to apologize for. I am equally guilty when it comes to, well, us.'

'No, that's not true. I'm the one who said no. Twice. All those years ago, before I left, I'd already said no, because I was afraid of what people might say, or think. And then when you proposed to me, I could have made us both happy. But I said no again. You see, you're the one who always tries, and I push you away. It's what I do. I'm scared and I stop things from happening. I'm responsible for this.'

Telling him this made the thought real, and she felt the need to cry again. But she felt lighter too. It needed saying, and now it was out she felt a lot better.

'Ruth, I have my faults too. You left because of me; I shouldn't have let that happen. And when you came back…' He stopped, but she knew what he was talking about. _Who_ he was talking about. George, always George. _The choices he'd made._

'Harry, we need to leave this behind us. I don't mean we should forget, but… It was nobody's fault. I get that now. I was more angry with myself for moving on so quickly and thinking about you again than I was with you. It was always me, I blamed myself so much it stopped me from seeing things clearly. George died because of me Harry, not you. He died because I lied to him. But I need to let this go now. We both do.' She paused. 'I mean it Harry, she added, looking at him with her piercing blue eyes.'

'You do?' The emotion stopped him for saying more than these two words.

'I do.'

Once she realized what she'd just said, she gasped silently, and Harry stared at her, looking more serious than ever.

'Ruth…', he said very slowly.

'I'm sorry Harry'. She had blushed deeply and was talking fast, like she always did when she was embarrassed of felt she had said something wrong. 'I didn't mean… It's not what I meant… I mean I meant what I said but, the way I said it… You don't have to…'

'Don't have to what?'

'Oh, come on Harry. I'm embarrassed enough, you know what I mean'.

'Well, you've used the word 'mean' a lot, so no, I'm not sure I do.'

Though his tone was light and slightly teasing, the expression on his face told her he wasn't joking. She breathed slowly, trying to regain composure.

'I'm sorry I said 'no', Harry. It's the truth. But that's all. It doesn't mean I want you to ask again, you don't have to. You don't have to do anything.'

'But if I were to ask again?' he whispered. 'What would you say?'

'I'd say yes. I would.'

They stared at each other for a few moments, as if trying to make sure the other was as serious as they were. Suddenly, Harry turned around and grabbed his jacket. When he turned again to face Ruth, his hands were joined and she could tell he was holding something between them.

'Well, then', he whispered. 'I… I had a crazy hope, when I came to meet you tonight. I thought… maybe. Also I wanted to make this clear tonight, that this is what I want, for you and me. I thought if it went well tonight, then maybe we could pick up from where we left off, you and I. So I hope you won't be too angry that I pushed my luck a bit and bought this.'

He sounded so insecure she actually felt hurt.

'Harry?' she asked.

He opened his hands to reveal a small box, covered in navy blue velvet, almost matching her dress. He looked at her one last time before opening it and revealing the nicest ring she'd ever seen. A golden ring, with a diamond surrounded by two smaller sapphires.

'Ruth Evershed', he said, speaking as slowly and lowly as he could to contain his emotion, 'will you marry me?'

He'd had a long speech prepared, but as it turned out, the simplest words were the better ones. Ruth couldn't stop her tears any longer and sobbed for a few minutes, her face buried in her hands. But there was no sadness in her tears, not anymore. When she was able to speak again, she simply said 'yes'.

* * *

><p><strong>So, here we are. Or, actually, here they are. ) I hope you liked it, I feel uncomfortable writing fluff, so I hope it worked and I would really appreciate a review to know what you think and if you still like this. :) xxx<strong>


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